When Families Crash

When Families Crash: Finding God's Original Design for Men and Women

Have you ever watched a plane and wondered what keeps it in the air? It's not just one thing — it's the perfect alignment of multiple forces working together. The moment that alignment fails, the plane goes down. Right now, in homes and churches across America, we're seeing a lot of crashes. And the question we have to ask is: are we out of alignment with what God originally designed?

The Stats Don't Lie — Something Is Wrong

The numbers are staggering. In 2020, 88% of born-again Christians said they believed God had a plan and purpose for their lives. By 2023 — just three years later — that number had dropped to less than half. And here's one that should stop us cold: 40% of born-again Christians in America today believe that Jesus sinned while He was on Earth.

We have a lot of crashing Christians. And one of the biggest areas where we've fallen out of alignment? The family.

Study after study shows that the family dynamic is actually the weakest belief system in the church today — the area where Christians are most out of line with what the Bible actually says. So today, we're going back to the beginning.

Back to the Beginning: What God Actually Said

In Genesis 1:27, Moses writes, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

Let that sink in. Women, you are created in the image of God. Men, you are created in the image of God. We have to get there before we get anywhere.

And then in Genesis 1:28, God blessed them — male and female — and said, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it." The command was to both. Not, "Hey man, you go subdue everything, and when you get home, the wife's going to have a nice dinner for you." She is part of the process. When God created her, He created her to subdue the earth just as much as He created man to subdue it.

What "Helper" Really Means

Moving to Genesis 2:18, God says, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." We read that and think, "Sweet — she's going to help me change the tires." But we never stop to ask what the word helper actually means.

The word actually contradicts the very idea of inferiority. It means she is going to add to me that which I lack. In fact, in the Old Testament, God uses this same word for Himself 16 times. He says things like, "I will be the helper to Israel." Does that make God inferior to Israel? No. He's saying, "I'm going to give you that which you lack."

So when I look at my wife, the question isn't "what can she do for me?" The question is: what is it that she provides that I lack, that God has given her to me?

The Curse Changed Everything

Then came the curse. Satan entered the scene in Genesis 3 and started with his classic move: "Did God really say...?" Eve took the fruit, ate it, and gave it to her husband — and he ate it too. And when God came looking, He didn't ask Eve first. He asked Adam. "Where are you? What did you do?" And Adam's response? "She made me do it."

Sound familiar? That's still the first thing out of most people's mouths today.

The curse brought pain, conflict, and a broken dynamic between men and women. For women, it brought a desire that pulls in two directions at once — a desire to rule and a desire for relational dependence. You can find both living in the same person: "I'm strong and independent and don't need anyone" — and yet always needing to be in a relationship. Here's the truth: God completes you, ladies. A man does not complete a woman. And without God completing us, we will keep seeking from a man what only God can provide.

What Paul Said About Headship

In 1 Corinthians 11:3, the Apostle Paul — writing to the church in Corinth, a congregation known for chaos and disorder in their worship — lays out a clear foundation: "The head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God."

Now, before anyone gets upset, we have to understand what "head" means here, just like we had to understand what "helper" means. Being the head means having the appropriate responsibility to lead and the matching accountability. When Paul says the husband is the head, he's saying: you've got the responsibility, and when things go wrong in your house, God is coming to you first.

Men, you want to be the king of the castle? You want to be the head, the leader, the decision-maker? That's great—but are you willing to take on the accountability that comes with it? Are you willing to answer to God for the problems in your home, including the ones you didn't create but didn't stop?

Men, We Have to Talk

Something has happened in the last 30 years that we can't ignore. Fewer and fewer men are doing ministry. Fewer and fewer men are pulling their weight in the church. In almost two decades of licensing pastors, the numbers have shifted dramatically — not because more women are stepping up, but because fewer men are.

The stats are clear: when a healthy male Christian role model is present and invested, the family thrives. The kids stay in church. But when a dad comes to church and does nothing — no ministry, no prayer at home, no reading the Word, no spiritual leadership — the kids walk away from God.

Men, we have to rise again. What are the two hardest ministries to sustain in any church right now? Prayer ministry and men's ministry. Where have we gone?

Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 11 weren't just about the worship service in Corinth. They're about the tone we set everywhere. If I want to be a Biblical husband, if I want to be the head of my home, I'd better learn to wash my wife's feet. I'd better learn to sacrifice myself for my family. Jesus said in Mark 10:45, "I came not to be served but to serve." That's the model. The head of the home is the one who gets down and washes feet.

For the Women: Submission Isn't What You Think

No woman loves the word submission. But in Ephesians 5:22-24, Paul writes, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands."

Submission is not servitude. It's not bowing down and saying "whatever you want." It's unity. It's doing everything as unto the Lord — including honoring the authority structure God put in place. It means having the conversation, giving your opinion, being heard — and then, once the decision is made, trusting the process instead of undermining it.

And for single women, you still have a spiritual head. If you're young, that may be your father. In other seasons, it may be your pastor or another spiritual leader who is speaking Biblical truth over your life. Just because you're not married doesn't mean you operate without spiritual authority. And here's the hard truth: if you cannot submit to God, you definitely cannot submit to a husband. Start there.

Putting It Into Practice

For married men:

For single men:

For married women:

For single women:

We were created to be one. The curse came in and broke that. But we don't have to live under the curse. Greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world (1 John 4:4). The original design was two becoming one, as two colors of Play-Doh kneaded together until they become something entirely new. You can split it in half, but you can never get back to the original two colors.

That's what God intended. Not two people living parallel lives under the same roof, but one — same heart, same mind, same will.

Find your alignment. Go back to the Word. And let's get back into alignment.